


For Her

by LaLas_Criminal_Mind



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-22
Updated: 2016-02-22
Packaged: 2018-05-22 17:18:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6088003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaLas_Criminal_Mind/pseuds/LaLas_Criminal_Mind
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This story is based off of real events. I only hope that I have told her story well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	For Her

Olivia felt as though she could walk on air, her head was so far up in the clouds. The smile that plastered her face was contagious to all who saw her, even though they didn’t know her. The wind rifled through her long wavy blonde hair and she breathed in the fresh scent of coming spring as she walked up the steps at Quantico.  
“Good Morning Damon.” She smiled brightly to the security guard who tipped his hat toward her.  
“Morning Olivia. You’re looking absolutely radiant today.” He smiled back.  
“I feel even better!” She twirled around so she could smile again and wave goodbye, her pink and white floral sun dress twirling around her legs as she did so.  
She said hello to everyone that she passed and all who walked away felt a little bit happier having gotten the chance to see her winning smile. Her white ballet flats tapped lightly on the linoleum as she practically danced her way over to the elevators. She pressed the up button and bounced up and down on the balls of her feet, excitement bubbling from ever part of her body.  
The elevator doors opened and she stepped through the glass double doors taking in the familiar surroundings. She smiled seeing that everyone was here, everyone who mattered, her family. Then she saw who she was looking for and he looked back at her meeting her eye, she ran forward almost at a full sprint through the bull pen and dove straight into his arms.  
Spencer was a little surprised but caught her easily and everyone around them stared confusedly as her arms wrapped around his neck and her legs around his waist as his arms easily snaked around her waist holding her close.  
“What’s gotten into you?” Spencer chuckled into her ear. She buried her face even further into his neck, feeling the tears prick at the corner of her eyes. “Is everything ok? Is something wrong?” He murmured, a hint of worry to his voice and she shook her head side to side.  
Olivia pulled away, just enough so that she could look him in the eye, but not enough that he had to put her down, she kept her legs locked tight around his waist, she wanted to be as close to him as possible right now. His hazel eyes gazed deeply into her bright blue ones, looking for any hint as to what was going on in her mind.  
“We’re pregnant.” Her voice broke and the happy tears began sliding down her face and his face lit up like a little kid on Christmas.  
“You’re serious?” His voice was elated and she nodded and he pulled her close once more, kissing her deeply, pulling away, a laugh erupting from his throat. “Oh my god!” He exclaimed twirling her around kissing her sweetly before setting her on the floor. If everyone wasn’t staring before, they were now.  
“What’s going on?” Morgan asked walking over as he, JJ and Garcia walked the break room. Hearing the commotion even Hotch and Rossi had come out of their offices. “Did your doctor’s appointment go ok?”  
Spencer looked to Olivia for the ok. She was hesitant for a moment but then nodded her head. There was no one else in the world that she would rather share this news with. She looked around at everyone’s faces and the happy tears welled up in her eyes again.  
“You tell them, I know you want to more than me.” Spencer leaned down and whispered into her ear. She smiled up at the man of her dreams who knew her so well and looked around at her family.  
“I’m pregnant!” She finally exclaimed. There was a moment of pin drop silence. JJ’s hands covered her mouth, a look of shock on her face. Finally, Garcia broke the silence and the team erupted around them. Garcia was sobbing now and pulled Olivia into a hug, gushing about how excited she was for them.  
Morgan had pulled Reid into a hug and was clapping him on the back. Hotch and Rossi made their way down the stairs and JJ had come out of her shock. It was a mess of hugs and tears, laughter and smiles.  
“Congratulations!” Rossi kissed both of her cheeks and then Spencer’s. Even Hotch had a smile on his face, like a full blown smile not just a half assed one like usual.  
You see, the thing is, Olivia and Spencer had been trying for a baby for a very long time, three years to be exact. Not that the trying wasn’t any fun but when you’re trying to make a family the consistent blue negative line on a pregnancy test can start to break you down over time.  
Everyone knew that they were trying. The team could see the disappointment in their eyes, month after month when nothing happened. They could see how it alternately would pull Spencer and Olivia apart and then somehow bring them closer together, stronger than ever before.  
This morning Olivia had her yearly full physical at the doctor per FBI standards. She and Spencer had taken a break from trying not for lack of wanting, but not wanting to get their hopes up. They looked into every possible option and had even begun looking into adoption.  
“We have to go out and celebrate, my treat!” Rossi called out over the commotion.  
“No, we can’t ask you to do that!” Olivia placed a hand on his arm and he profusely shook his head.  
“Nonsense! This is a reason to celebrate! Our family is growing!” He pulled her into another hug and tears sprung to her eyes once again as she looked around at her family.  
“Thank you guys, so much. You’ve been there for us through everything and I could never be more thankful for such a wonderful group of people to share this with.” Olivia placed a hand to her stomach which was showing no signs of life within her, but she knew it was there.  
Spencer wrapped an arm around her and looked at her with all the love in the world in his eyes. He bent down and kissed her again, his hand coming to a rest atop of hers on her stomach. The team awed and he pulled away, smiling, not even caring that everyone was there.  
“I love you, Spencer Reid.” Olivia whispered up to him and he smiled again, pushing a hair behind her ear.  
“I love you too, Olivia Reid.”  
______________________________  
Spencer and Olivia sat in the waiting room, hands intertwined positively giddy with excitement. They kept looking to each other with giant smiles on their faces, pressing kisses to the others cheek.  
It had been a week since she found out she was pregnant and not it was time Olivia’s first ultrasound appointment. They would get an approximate time of how far along she was as well as a possible due date. Depending on how far, they may also be able to hear the baby’s heartbeat.  
“What about Diana Lucille if it’s a girl?” She asked. “We can combine our mother’s names.” He smiled brightly at her.  
“I really like that idea. Diana Lucille sounds really nice too.” Olivia lay her head on his should and breathed in the familiar scent, one she would never forget. She looked up at him and just stared until he turned to look at her. “What? Do I have something on my face?” He laughed and she just smiled shaking her head no.  
“I’m impossibly in love with you, did you know that?” She whispered and an even bigger smile appeared on his face.  
“And I, with you my love.” He kissed her lips gently and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her even closer to his side.  
“Olivia Reid.” A nurse opened the door. Olivia looked at Spencer excitedly and stood up. Their hands still linked, they walked through the door.  
Olivia had changed into the gown that they gave her and crawled up onto the exam table, waiting for the doctor to arrive. She looked around at all the posters and signs on the walls about the different stages of pregnancy and prenatal development. The door opened and a friendly looking woman walked in.  
“Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Reid. My name is Dr. Shirley, how are you doing today?” She smiled warmly at them.  
“Wonderful!” Olivia replied cheerily and Dr. Shirley smiled.  
“That’s wonderful to hear. Now tell me, Olivia, have you been experiencing any odd symptoms?” She began pulling a few tools from the drawers.  
“I’ve had some morning sickness and my boobs have been pretty sore.” Olivia replied and the doctor nodded.  
“Alright, have you had any spotting?” The Dr. asked and Olivia shook her head no. “Alright, just know that is completely normal and is nothing to worry about. Alright let’s have a look shall we?” The Dr. set to work and Olivia turned her eyes toward Spencer, choosing to ignore that another woman was all up in her lady business. “Well everything is looking very good down here, shall we see if we can find a heartbeat? It may be too early, how far along to suspect you are?”  
“Maybe 5-6 weeks. I would have had my period last week.” Olivia replied and the doctor nodded.  
She pulled the gown back revealing Olivia’s stomach and squirt the gel directly onto her skin. Olivia jumped and let out a small gasp because of the cool sensation. She gripped Spencer’s hand even tighter as their focus turned towards the screen.  
It was small, only about the size of a tadpole, but there it was. There was there baby. Olivia and Spencer stared at the screen in complete and utter awe. Then the beautiful sound of their baby’s heartbeat filled their ears.  
“That’s… that’s our baby Spencer. That’s our baby!” Olivia cried pulling Spencer to her. He also had tears spilling over onto his cheeks. Dr. Shirley cleaned the goo off Olivia’s stomach and gave them a few moments alone, also so Olivia could get dressed.  
They held each other close, crying into each other tears of joy, tears of relief, finally their prayers had been answered. They wiped each other’s eyes and kissed each other softly. After a few moments Olivia got dressed and Dr. Shirley came back into the room.  
“This is a prescription for your prenatal vitamin. Make sure that you’re eating a healthy diet and getting plenty of rest. I want to see you back in here in four weeks. Here is my card. Please do not hesitate to call if you have any questions or concerns.” She gave Olivia her card and she smiled appreciatively.  
“Thank you so much for everything, Dr. Shirley.” Spencer shook her hand. The Dr. handed them an envelope with a picture of the ultrasound and guided them back to the waiting room. They walked out to the car in silence, too elated with joy to even try to speak.  
Spencer drove them to the BAU knowing everyone would want to see the pictures and hear about the appointment. The two of them were a vision of love, walking hand in hand. You’d have never seen someone more in love than these two at this moment and you knew, just from looking at them, that they were forever.  
The team gathered around to look at the photos of the ultrasound. Garcia once again burst into tears, she was just so happy for the two of them. JJ and Hotch smiled appreciatively remembering their own children at this stage. Morgan turned the picture from side to side and upside down before asking,  
“Are you sure you’re not having a sea monkey?” Olivia playfully smacked his arm and giggled, too elated to even pretend that she was upset at his joke.  
Chief Strauss and Hotch met with Olivia later that day to come up with a game plan for the pregnancy. She would obviously not be allowed in the field and would be doing a lot of office and desk work. Her maternity leave would begin four weeks before her due date and from there she would be able to make her choice, to come back or fulfill a duty as a stay at home mom. Chief Strauss had even given Spencer permission to take extra time for paternity leave.  
“That baby needs as much time with its mother and its father.” She said firmly and Hotch agreed. Olivia couldn’t contain her joy and reached out pulling Chief Strauss into a hug. She tentatively wrapped her arms around Olivia’s shoulders and pat her on the shoulder before pulling away and smoothing her blouse.  
“Thank you so much, Chief Strauss.” Olivia felt as though she could cry she was so happy.  
“Yes, well. You’re welcome.”  
_______________________________________  
Olivia pulled the loose fitting black and red polka dot dress over her head. She had started showing a little bit by this time, though only in her stomach. Olivia had a small frame to begin with so unless you were looking directly at her stomach, you wouldn’t even know that she was pregnant.  
Spencer came over and wrapped his arms around her from behind, placing his hands on her stomach. She smiled at him in the mirror and he placed a gentle kiss to her neck and she sighed in contentment.  
“I hope I get like… seriously pregnant. I want to be the size of a whale; I think that’d be so great.” She leaned her head back against his chest which was shaking with laughter.  
“I love you so much.” He murmured, placing a kiss to her lips. She smiled into the kiss and rubbed her nose against his.  
“I love you too. Now, you get ready I’m going to go make some breakfast.”  
She walked down the stairs and into the kitchen, milling through the smorgasbord of food that they had. She finally decided on an egg white omelet and some fruit salad. She made some for Spencer as well and sat down at the table to eat.  
Spencer joined her just a few moments later with his plate and a cup of coffee, laying out the morning paper across the table. She watched, completely mesmerized by the way that his eyes danced so quickly across the page. Within just a few minutes time he was reading the next paper in the stack.  
She took another bite of her breakfast and then pushed the plate away, feeling the familiar sensation of heartburn rising in her chest. She put a hand to her chest and took a sip of her water.  
“Liv… is everything ok?” Spencer put the paper down and looked at her worriedly. She nodded her head and took another sip of water.  
“Just got some serious heartburn going on.” She replied pushing her plate away. She had eaten less than half of what she had prepared but she was so completely full it felt as though half the baby bump was now just bloating.  
The two of them clamored to the car a few minutes later. Olivia would be working the first part of the day and then going to her five-month checkup that afternoon. Unless they were called away on a case, Spencer would be joining her.  
Almost as though it had heard her thoughts, the stars aligned against her that day and the team got called away on a case about twenty minutes before she was set to leave. Spencer held her close and dried her tears, promising he would call as soon as they landed. She nodded her head and let him go, for she too had to be going.  
Although she was melancholy about the whole ordeal she knew that Spencer was more needed where he was than he was with her. Evil stops for nobody.  
Olivia smiled brightly when Dr. Shirley walked into the room, clipboard in hand.  
“Hello, Olivia, let’s get to it shall we. We can get to the fun part now and the other stuff later. Shall we find out the sex of your baby?”  
Olivia redressed in a haze. Her mind was running ten thousand miles a minute. Baby names were rushing in and out of her head. She had wished Spencer could be here with her, but this gave her time to find a unique way to tell him. Some kind of gender reveal with a cake, or balloons or something.  
Dr. Shirley returned a moment later and they set to work on the other things that needed to be done. They checked her temperature and her blood pressure and had her hop up on the scale. The Dr. tampered with the scale for a moment and the gestured for Olivia to sit back in the chair.  
“Have you been eating well?” Dr. Shirley asked.  
“I’ve been trying to, why?” Olivia asked, panic prevalent in her voice. The Dr. placed a gentle hand on Olivia’s wrist to calm her.  
“Your weight is just a little bit lower than what I would like it to be. Has something been happening to make you not eat as well? Is something going on?” She asked calmly. Olivia wracked her brain. “Nothing is too small to tell me.” Dr. Shirley smiled.  
“Well I’ve been having really bad heartburn and indigestion. I’ve also been filling up a lot quicker, with less food.” Olivia replied. Dr. Shirley nodded and wrote down a few notes on her chart. Olivia was really wishing that Spencer was with her right now.  
“Olivia, I’m sure that it’s nothing, but I would like to set you up with an appointment with a doctor in the office who can do an upper endoscopy. What that means is that we will put a small camera down into your esophagus and have a look around, just to make sure that everything is in tip top shape. None of this will affect the baby so don’t you worry about that. I would just like to have this settled so that you’re not in any unneeded discomfort during the pregnancy.” Dr. Shirley squeezed Olivia’s arm reassuringly.  
“When would this happen? How long would it take, is it like a full blown procedure?” Questions were pouring out of Olivia’s mouth, one right after the other.  
“Unless she is very busy I’m sure that Dr. Sitka will be able to perform today. We will have to freeze your gag reflex, but nothing serious. I will go speak to Dr. Sitka, would you like to call Spencer and someone to come be with you?” Olivia nodded and Dr. Shirley walked from the room.  
Immediately Olivia whipped out her phone and dialed Spencer’s number. Something was wrong she could feel it and she just needed him to hear his voice right now.  
“Hello, Olivia?” Spencer picked up the phone. She was shaking so hard and she could barely speak.  
“Spencer…” She cried into the phone. She cried the whole story to him and he listened carefully.  
“Listen to me honey. Everything is going to be ok. I’m going to call Garcia and have her come get you and stay with you if she needs to ok?”  
Olivia hung up the phone right when Dr. Shirley returned, another woman behind her. The woman introduced herself as Dr. Sitka and explained how the procedure would work.  
She had just laid back on the table when she heard a voice in the hallway that made her sit back up and look at the door.  
“I don’t give a crap about your family only rules. That woman in there is all alone and she needs me in there with her. Do you know who I am? Do you know what I can do to you?” A moment later there was a knock on the door and the effervescent brightly colored Penelope Garcia walked through the door.  
“Penelope!” Olivia cried out, reaching to her. Garcia rushed to her side, muttering some profanities at the nurse who shook her head and walked out, shutting the door behind her.  
“It’s ok sugar plum, I’m here. Everything is going to be ok.”  
_______________________________________________  
The doctors sent Olivia home that day, assuring her that everything would be ok. They had taken some tissue samples from her stomach to check for the possibility of celiac, ulcers or any other huge list of items that it could have been. They would call her in two-three week’s time.  
Time seemed flitting and before she knew it, she was getting a phone call. The team was returning from a case which Olivia had been allowed to go on, only after being cleared to fly by multiple doctors and after agreeing to not leave the police station unless accompanied by another member of the team. Though grudgingly, Olivia obliged to his rules, just happy to be with the team again.  
“Oh, hold on guys, this is the doctor.” Olivia shushed the team on the jet. They were all gathered around the small table. Garcia had been skyping them, happy to talk about anything other than the case. “Hello?” She swiped open her phone.  
“Hello, Olivia. This is Dr. Sitka, how are you doing?” The doctor asked kindly.  
“I’m doing well thank you. Do you have some test results for me?” Olivia replied, too impatient to exchange pleasantries.  
“Yes, I do, is your husband with you?”  
“Yes, he is sitting right here next to me.” Olivia replied again in a hurry. Just wishing Dr. Sitka to hurry up and spit out the results.  
“Mrs. Reid, I’m afraid we have a bit of bad news. We got the results of the tissues that we had taken from your stomach and…” The Dr. sighed. “Olivia, I’m afraid you have stomach cancer.”  
Have you ever jumped off the highest diving board at a swimming pool? You jump off and curl yourself into a ball, holding your breath knowing that the splash will come at any second. When it doesn’t come immediately you let your guard down only to be shocked when your body slams into the water moments later.  
That’s the closest description of what Olivia was feeling. As though she was suspended in thin air waiting for something to happen. For someone to tell her just kidding, the tests were fine.  
The rest of the team stared in horror, unable to speak, unable to think. Here were two of the greatest people that they knew and suddenly, one of them was fighting for life, not only for her own, but also for that of the baby they’d been hoping for, for so many years.  
Suddenly Olivia had her moment, hitting the water, so to speak.  
“What about the baby?” Olivia cut off Dr. Sitka, whom she didn’t even know was speaking.  
“The baby is fine.” The Dr. replied.  
“Can this … can this spread?” She wasn’t sure how she wanted to word her question but thankfully the Dr. understood.  
“The chances of that happening are extremely rare, something I would not concern yourself with.” Came her simple reply. “Though you do need to consider the options and consequences.” Dr. Sitka responded.  
“What options and consequences?” Spencer finally spoke up, though his voice sounded strangled.  
“Well if you choose to keep the baby…” Olivia instantly cut the Dr. off.  
“What do you mean if I choose to keep the baby? Of course we’re keeping the baby!” She was getting defensive.  
“Liv, we need to talk about this.” Spencer looked up at her and Olivia furiously shook her head.  
“No, no there’s nothing to talk about.” Her voice was venomous, protective.  
“Why don’t the two of you discuss this and come to my office on Monday, we can discuss this further.” Dr. Sitka spoke suddenly. Olivia reached over and clicked the disconnect button on the phone and turned back to Spencer.  
“There’s nothing to talk about Spencer. We’ve been trying for this baby for years! We’re not throwing that away!” Olivia’s voice was getting louder.  
“Maybe this is something the two of you should discuss after you’ve had time to process the news.” Hotch spoke cautiously, glancing between the two of them.  
“Why is everyone saying we should discuss? We’re not discussing it, I’m having this baby, end of discussion!” Olivia could feel the tears prickling at her eyes. She could see JJ’s eyes welling up with unshed tears as well.  
“We have to discuss this because you could die, Olivia!” Spencer shouted, standing up from his seat. He raked his hands through his hair and turned to look back at her, the tears now rolling down his cheeks.  
“So what!” Olivia pushed herself up from her chair and swatted Morgan away when he tried to help her. Though her words sunk in and everyone froze.  
“So what? So what?!” He shouted. “Olivia, think about what you just said! You could die, Olivia. I could lose you!” His voice cracked and her heart shattered into a million pieces, trying to imagine how she would feel if the tables were turned.  
Spencer turned and walked past the curtained area of the jet, trying to separate himself from the others. Despite the circumstances, he still didn’t want the team to see him in such a state of distress. Olivia waddled after him.  
“We’ve been trying so hard, Spencer. We’ve fought and fought for this baby for so damn long! There’s no… there’s no guarantee I’ll make it either way.” Her voice was soft, her hand rest on her stomach. He held her face between his hands.  
“Don’t say that, Olivia. Don’t you dare say that. You’re going to make it through this.” His voice was thick with tears and she couldn’t stop her own from flowing as well as he rest his forehead to hers, still holding her in his hands. “Please, Liv. Please, we need to discuss this.”  
“I’m sorry, Spencer. There’s no discussion.” She tried to keep her voice firm.  
“Why are you fighting so hard to throw your life away?” He pulled away from her and walked back to where the team was. He was angry again and she could understand why. She pushed the curtain aside.  
“I’m not fighting to throw my life away Spencer.” Her voice cracked and a sob escaped her throat. Spencer hated to hear her upset. He absolutely hated to see her cry. “I’m fighting for her.”  
Everyone whipped their heads around, staring at her in awe. Spencer’s mouth open and closed a few times. How could his heart feel so happy to hear those words at a time like this?  
“Her?” He whispered. Once again Olivia brought her hands to rest on her stomach and she nodded her head. He walked back over and placed his hands atop of hers, bowing his head low and kissing her sweetly.  
“We’re going to figure this out Spencer.” She whispered. “I’m not going down without a fight.”  
__________________________________________  
“Liv.” Spencer reached for her hand as though walked towards the office from the car that following Monday. She laced her hand with his and looked up at him. Suddenly he came to a stop and turned to face. “I agree with you. We need to keep our baby. You have to promise me something though.”  
“Anything.” She spoke through tears as he rest his forehead to hers, running his thumb along her cheek.  
“You have to promise me that you are going to fight, so hard, Olivia Reid. Do you hear me? You have to fight harder than anything you’ve ever fought for before.” Spencer tried to speak around the lump that was building in his throat. He wiped the tear that fell from her eyes as she nodded her head.  
“I promise, Spencer. I do.”  
Olivia kept her promise. She fought every day. She fought through pain, fatigue, she fought through everything. You could see it in her eyes. She wasn’t going to let this win. The sparkle never dulled from her eyes, not even for a moment.  
She fought Erin Strauss on continuing to work, at least part time and won. That says something right there. She fought the team tooth and nail, she wasn’t a fragile piece of glass about to shatter any moment and they knew, boy did they know.  
Sometimes though, no matter how hard you fight… you just can’t win.  
It was about a month later. She was sitting at her desk organizing a few files when she felt it. It was a sharp, piercing pain as though someone had stuck a dagger straight through her belly button. She gripped her stomach and lurched forward in her chair. No… this wasn’t happening. It wasn’t time.  
Frantically Olivia looked around the room. Where was everybody? How did everyone always disappear at the most inopportune times? She pushed up from her chair and it happened again, this time causing her to cry out in pain.  
Garcia hummed to herself as she opened the glass double doors into the bullpen. She looked up to make sure that Hotch was in his office, when she noticed Olivia, standing by her desk holding her stomach, a distinct look of discomfort on her face.  
Garcia dropped the papers all over the floor, not caring that they were flying in every direction. She sprinted over to where Olivia was standing.  
“Olivia… Liv… what’s wrong, talk to me?” Garcia’s voice was panicked.  
“It’s not time yet, Penelope. It’s not time!” Olivia’s voice was desperate. Penelope looked around the room, cursing under her breath that everyone was so spread apart in this damn department.  
“Aaron!” She yelled up the stairs. Hotch appeared only seconds later, sprinting down the steps. “She’s having pain in her stomach. Damnit, where’s Reid!?” She looked around the room, hoping that he would magically appear.  
“He’s in Morgan’s office. Go get him, call 911 on the way. Go Garcia!” He shouted when she hesitated and she sprinted off.  
“Livi.” Hotch was the only one to call her that and hearing it brought some mild comfort to her rapidly beating heart. “Sit down.” He wheeled her chair over and she sat down. She could only repeat one phrase over and over again, no matter who she was speaking to.  
“It’s not time, Aaron. It’s not time!”  
Garcia hung up the phone while still sprinting down the hall to Morgan’s office. She was running from memory as the tears blinded her vision. She threw open the door and both men stood up, instantly knowing something was wrong.  
Before the words could even leave her moth, Spencer was pushing past her and sprinting as fast as he could down the hall. He barreled through the double doors and ran to his wife’s side.  
“Hey, I’m right here. I’m right here. It’s ok. You’re going to be ok, both of you are going to be ok.” He was speaking to himself just as much as he was to her.  
“It’s not time, Spencer.” Olivia pleaded and he pushed her hair back nodding his head.  
“I know, baby. I know.” He held her shaking body close, trying to keep her calm.  
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Spencer. I tried. I tried. What if I didn’t fight hard enough?” She was in hysterics.  
“Baby, Olivia, you need to calm down. Everything is going to be ok, you hear me? Our baby girl is going to be just fine. You can still keep fighting you hear me? It’s going to all be just fine.”  
Everything was happening so fast. It was as though life was moving in warped speed and Olivia was dizzy trying to keep up with everything. When had they gotten to the hospital? When had she been hooked up to all these machines? The door opened and Dr. Shirley walked in.  
“Hello, Olivia. Are you ready for this?” She asked and Olivia shook her head from side to side.  
“No, No… Dr. Shirley, it’s not time!” Olivia cried out for what felt like the thousandth time that day. The Dr. nodded her head sympathetically.  
“I know, my dear. But if we don’t deliver this baby now, we’re going to lose both of you.”  
Spencer appeared at her side a moment letter dressed in the sterile gown and they were setting up the curtain to separate Olivia’s upper half from her lower half.  
“They have to do an emergency C-section.” Spencer leaned down close, wiping the tears that were still falling from her eyes. “We’re going to get through this. We’re going to be ok. All three of us ok? Can you do that for me baby? Can you keep fighting?” He was pleading with her and she nodded her head.  
“Yeah… yeah I can do that.” The medication was beginning to take effect. Her nerves were calmed and she was suddenly more aware of everything around her. She noticed the bright lights of the operating room and the nurses bustling around.  
“Alright, Olivia. We’re ready to begin.” Came Dr. Shirley’s soothing voice. Olivia nodded her head.  
Spencer stood by her side holding her hand, wiping the hair from her face and placing soft kisses to her cheeks and forehead.  
“You’re doing so wonderful, baby.” He would murmur from time to time.  
At 7:30 PM on February 7th, baby girl Reid was brought into this world. Spencer and Olivia both cried tears of so much joy and happiness when they heard their baby cry.  
“You did it!” Spencer whispered to Olivia and she shook her head.  
“No… she did.” She whispered.  
The nurse did a very quick wipe down and placed their precious miracle on Olivia’s chest. Olivia laughed through the tears and held her baby close. Spencer ran his finger along his baby girls cheek, tears streaming down his face.  
“Hello my baby girl. I’ve been waiting for you.” Olivia spoke softly.  
“Dr. we have a problem.” One of the nurses suddenly said as one of the machines began beeping wildly.  
“What’s going on, what’s happened?” Spencer stood up and looked around at everyone running about.  
“Sir, I’m going to need you to leave.” One of the nurses began pushing Spencer out of the room and he struggled against her.  
“No, no, tell me what’s happening!” He pushed back, but she pushed hard.  
“Sir! We need to save your wife.” The nurse spoke firmly and pushed the door closed.  
Another nurse had taken the baby away from Olivia. She tried to fight, raising her weak arms in protest but she couldn’t.  
“No… just a few more minutes. Please… just a few more minutes…” Her voice fizzled from a whisper to nothing at all.  
_________________________________________  
“Ma’am. Please you have to tell me what is going on.” Spencer rushed over to the nurses station.  
“Honey, you need to calm down.” The nurse started and Spencer cut her off.  
“Don’t tell me to calm down damnit!” He yelled, slamming his fists onto the counter. The nurse looked a bit taken aback at first, and then she looked a little sad.  
“Sir, I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you. If you just go wait in the waiting room a doctor will be with you as soon as possible.”  
Spencer turned and walked down the hall. His legs felt like they were made of cinderblocks. He trudged forward, every step seemingly taking him years. He pushed through the doors of the waiting room and the whole team stood up, halting in their tracks when they saw him.  
“Spencer?” JJ walked over and tentatively reached out a hand to his shoulder.  
“I don’t know what happened.” His voice was distant. He knew that he was speaking the words but it sounded as if they were coming from somewhere else. “Everything was fine, she was holding the baby and then her monitors started going crazy and they kicked me out of the room. What if I never see her again?” He crumpled to his knees, sobs heaving out of his chest.  
JJ kneeled on the floor next to him and pulled him to her in a tight hug. He sobbed into her shoulder as she rocked him back and forth, unsure of what words to say and unable to speak through her own tears.  
Together they helped him stand and sit in one of the chairs. Comforting him as best they could, they also tried to bring comfort to themselves.  
Finally, Dr. Shirley finally walked through the double doors. Everyone stood and walked over to her.  
“Your baby is doing just fine. She’s very small but everything seems to be in good condition. That baby is nothing short of a miracle.” The Dr. started and Spencer felt his body instantly relax. “Olivia ruptured due to the stress in her abdomen. We were able to stop the bleeding and she’s back in her room resting.” Spencer could feel relief wash over his face. The Dr. took a breath and looked to everyone in the room before speaking again, her voice even yet sorrowful. “Spencer, I want you to be prepared. Olivia will not be leaving this hospital alive, I’m sorry.”  
Spencer heard a gasp from behind him. Deep down though, he’d had a feeling this was how it was going to end. He nodded his head and Dr. Shirley turned to leave.  
“I’ll go see how she is and come get you when she’s ready.” Spencer spoke softly to the team and they all nodded in agreement.  
Spencer pulled up a chair and took Olivia’s hand in his own, pressing it gently to his lips. He sniffled and blinked back tears, looking up to the ceiling. He questioned how life could hurt someone as deserving as Olivia.  
“They uh… they told me that it’s probably getting close to the end.” He whispered to the room. “I don’t know how I’m going to handle life without you Liv. You’re the love of my life. How can I go on without you? How can I raise a baby without you? A baby that doesn’t even have a name.” He wiped at the tears falling from his eyes.  
“Johanna.” Her voice was a hoarse whisper and he looked down into the beautiful blue eyes of the love of his life, still sparkling. “Johanna Reid, and you’re going to handle life just fine. The way we always did, with the help of our family.”  
Spencer managed to smile through his tears and placed a kiss to Olivia’s forehead. Though soon his face crumpled into tears again.  
“How is our baby girl?” She whispered. No sooner did the words leave her mouth though, the door opened and a bassinet was brought into the room. Olivia’s eyes welled up with tears again. The nurse handed the baby to Spencer, who cradled her perfectly in his arms.  
Olivia looked at the picture before her and knew that Spencer would be ok. Her heart overflowed with joy at the love in his eyes for their perfect miracle baby. It would be hard, but Spencer was going to be just fine.  
After a few moments alone the nurse guided the team into the room. They cooed over the beautiful baby and wept over the near loss of a dear friend and family member.  
“Aaron.” Olivia called him over while the rest of the team was taking turns holding the baby and taking photos with her. He pulled up a chair and took her hand in his own.  
“What do you need?” Hotch whispered softly to her. Olivia looked over to Spencer, still staring with all the love in his heart at his baby girl.  
“Take care of him please.” Olivia looked back to Hotch who was looking at her sadly but nodding his head. “Help him, be there for him. Guide him. Hotch, please.” She pleaded and he squeezed her hand in both of his.  
“Livi, I promise you. I will be there for him through every step of this. All of us will. We’re going to figure it out. This whole mess is going to make sense. I’ll make sure of it.” She nodded her head and he pressed a kiss to her forehead.  
“I’m afraid visiting hours are going to be over soon.” A sweet nurse looked around the room sadly. Everyone’s eyes widened, tears beginning to brim once more. “Would you like me to take a picture of all of you?”  
Spencer sat on the bed next to Olivia, the two of them holding Johanna between them. The team gathered all around and they took their first and last, family photo. The photo that still sits on Spencer’s desk to this day.  
_______________________________________________  
Olivia sat in her bed, putting the finishing touches on her letter before reading it again to herself. She wiped the tear that had fallen from her cheek and tucked into the envelope, sealing it shut and placing it in the box along with the others.  
The door opened and Spencer walked in, a big smile on his face.  
“They let me feed her!” He said excitedly, kissing her on the lips and plopping into the chair next to her. “You should have seen it Liv, it was amazing. She looked up at me with these big blue eyes. The nurse said she recognized my voice.”  
“That’s amazing, Spencer.” She smiled brightly. “Take me to see her, please?”  
The nurses had shown Spencer how to move the IV’s and other wires to the poles along the wheelchair so that he could take Olivia to the nursery whenever she pleased.   
Spencer wheeled her through the doors of the nursery and over to Johanna’s bassinet. Carefully he picked her up and placed her into Olivia’s arms. Olivia looked down at the impossibly perfect baby girl that she was holding in her arms.  
“Can I have a minute alone with her please?” She looked up to Spencer with tears in her eyes. He nodded softly, placing a kiss to her forehead and walking from the room, standing instead at the window to watch the interaction.  
“Hello my beautiful baby girl. Mommy loves you so much.” The tears were pouring down her cheeks but she continued to speak. “I’m so proud of you for fighting so hard, but mommy can’t fight anymore. I’m just so tired.” Olivia’s voice cracked and she turned to wipe her cheeks on the shoulder of her hospital gown. “Just know that I would give up almost anything in this world if I could stay and be your mommy for just a little bit longer. I love you, so much baby girl.”  
The nurse came and took Johanna from Olivia’s arms and Spencer returned to the room, placing a hand to Olivia’s shoulder. She reached up and held it in her own and together they watched their peaceful girl sleep.  
After some time, Spencer wheeled Olivia back to her room and helped her get settled back into her bed.  
“Sit up here with me.” Olivia shifted so there was enough room for Spencer beside her. Adjusting the bed to a sitting position he crawled in next to her.  
She grabbed the decorated box from the side table and set it between them.  
“I’ve been writing letters for you to give to Johanna as she grows up. All of them are in here. There’s a few for you as well.” She was choking back tears as he rifled through the envelopes.   
There was one for every birthday, after your first heartbreak, when you get your license, your first dance, your wedding day. Spencer’s eyes were misting with tears now as well. He looked at one of the envelopes quizzically and pulled it from the box.  
“Who is this for?” He asked turning toward her. Olivia took in a deep breath, trying to gain her composure before speaking.  
“Don’t let this break you, Spencer.” A sob escaped her throat and she reached for his hand, placing it to his heart. “There’s so much room in here, don’t close people out. Don’t live life in fear because of this. Johanna is going to need a mother eventually.”  
Spencer tucked the envelopes back into their box and turned placing them onto the chair. He turned back to her and cradled her head in his hands, kissing her and hoping that every emotion he was feeling could be poured into one kiss.  
They lay the bed back so they were laying, cradled in each other’s arms. They held each other for hours, occasionally murmuring I love yous to each other.   
“I’m sorry I couldn’t fight harder.” Olivia’s voice was just barely above a whisper.   
“You fought with everything you had.” He whispered back. She turned her head to look at him, barely able to lift her eyes.  
“Thank you, for making my life so happy, Spencer Reid.”  
_____________________________________________________________________  
After some time, Spencer had begun to heal and he opened his heart to another woman. He watched from the front porch as she picked daisies with now four-year-old Johanna. She placed a daisy over the young girl’s ear, tucking it into her curly blonde hair. More and more each day she looked like her mother.  
He closed his eyes and let his head fall back, allowing the warmth of the sun to melt into his skin. She always loved spring, it was her favorite time of year. When the flowers bloomed and the earth came alive again.  
Spencer again looked back to his beautiful daughter who was laughing wildly, running around the yard with childhood reckless abandon. Not a care in the world other than what lay before her very eyes.  
“Daddy, Daddy!” She ran over, a hand full of daisies in her outstretched hand. Spencer knelt down to her level and looked into those big beautiful blue eyes.  
“Yeah baby?” He smiled at her, tucking a loose hair behind her ear.  
“We picked these for mama. Can we take them to her sometime?” She asked excitedly and Spencer smiled and nodded.  
“Of course we can, baby.” He smiled up at the woman who now had part of his heart and he knew what he had to do. “Stay right here.” He kissed her quickly and went into the house up to his study. He held his breath for a moment and let it out slowly as he unlocked and opened the drawer to the left pulling the decorated box from its place.  
He opened the lid and breathed in a scent that was uniquely her own. A mix of lavender and freshly cut grass. One he would never forget. He rifled through the letters and found the one he was looking for. He held it in his hands for a moment, trying to make sure this is what he wanted to do It was a simple white envelope and written in her beautiful script it read To Her.  
Spencer locked the box away again and walked back to the porch where the girls were still standing. She looked up at him, the smiling on her face faltering a bit when she saw the look on his face.  
“Is everything ok?” She asked cautiously and he nodded his head.  
“Yeah I just… This is for you.” He handed her the envelope and turned to Johanna. “Want daddy to push you on the swing?”  
“Yeah!” She yelled, taking off for the swing set in the backyard.  
She watched them for a moment, a smile on her face before taking a seat on the plastic white deck chair and opening the letter. Her hand went to her mouth as she read the opening sentence and glanced back over to Spencer, who was looking at her with a smile on his face. She placed a hand over her pounding heart and looked back to the letter. Tears were blurring her vision now, but she continued to read anyway.  
Congratulations! You have succeeded in an area where many before you have failed. You have won the heart of my one and only. You are the woman that he has chosen to give his heart away to. I’m no longer able to be there for him and I am entrusting to you the very reason that my short life was so fulfilled.  
If Spencer has chosen to spend the rest of his life with you then you must be a very special woman. Spencer doesn’t entrust his heart very easily. He hides behind a façade and shields himself from pain in ways others don’t understand. Be patient with him and understand that even when he can’t find the words he loves you so.  
Know that when he is away for work, more than anything he wants to be by your side. He will do everything he can to call you every night and say that he loves you. He will let you win every argument, even when he’s right because he hates arguing. He hates tension and he never likes to go to bed angry.  
Johanna is the single most important thing in Spencer’s life. She will always come first. I was only able to spend a short time with our baby girl, but he looks at her like she herself put the very stars in the sky.  
I’m sure it’s not exactly that you planned to fall for a man with a child, but the plans of this world far exceed our own. It is your job now, to be her mother.  
It is your job to wipe away her tears and kiss her bumps and bruises. It is your job to make sure she knows her worth, how loved she is and was by many. You get to help her heal through her first heartbreak and maybe even a second or third. It’s your job to tell her that everything happens for a reason and that one day she’ll find a love so strong nothing will shake it.  
One day when she does find that love, you will get to be with my baby on her wedding day. You will get to help her get ready and watch her say I do.  
Please, please, make sure that Johanna knows that I did everything in my power to stay with her. That more than anything it broke my heart to say goodbye to her and that there is nowhere in life or in death that I would rather be than by her side.  
Please tell her stories and have others tell her stories so that she knows how proud I am of her. So that she can remember me and know that there was nothing I loved more than being her mommy.  
Make sure that Spencer keeps putting himself out there. Please make sure that he knows I loved him so much and it broke my heart into millions of tiny pieces to see him sad. Remind him that it’s ok to love again.  
Spencer chose you because he knows that you will be a loving wife and a wonderful mother to our beautiful baby girl. He chose you because he knows that you have a love for our daughter that only a mother could give.  
I hope that they bring to you as much joy as they brought to me. I want you to know that your love for them is truly appreciated by me. So thank you, whoever you are. I love you.  
Love Always,  
Olivia Reid.


End file.
